I am turning the tables this time. Before I get to it, I need to lay down some background info. Check it.
I am an introvert. That literally means my reality is internal. As such I think far more than I interact with others. Even though I love people, I don't wish to speak to them.
I have been extremely shy all my life. It is common for all people, but especially who are confident or extroverted, to confuse introversion with shyness. Shyness and confidence are learned behaviors, whereas introversion and extroversion are personality traits. I am both introverted and shy: a double whammy.
Several years ago, I started a direct sales business. For those unfamiliar, in direct sales a manufacturer licenses independent consultants to sell exclusive products which are not usually sold in retail outlets. The consultant buys the product or service at wholesale, sells it at retail, and keeps the difference—just like any other sales business. Sometimes there is also a commission. However the consultant works from his home, not a store front, and as such needs to approach prospective customers instead of waiting for those prospective customers to walk into his store. When done business to business this is often called outside sales.
More accurately I procured the license. I haven't really started the business, yet. This brings us to the point of this post.
One of my dreams in life is to drop my shyness, build confidence, and be more outgoing. Simply monetizing this behavior was not enough to motivate me. So, I'm reaching out to anyone who was shy, learned confidence, and can now approach and make friends with strangers. You can teach what you've done. I'd love your suggestions in the comment section.
Thanks in advance!
For starters, you should realize you're better at this than you think. I've seen it, and you do it very well. I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not the best person to give this advice because my confidence wavers. However, something that has made a huge difference for me is using my keyboard as a little bit of a crutch, until I can force myself from out behind it and actually meet people.
Focus on how good you are at meeting people online; draw confidence from that. Remind yourself that who you are here, twitter, fb, etc. is Bob. Everyone likes that Bob - so everyone will like him in person, too.
Duh...
"Hi. Excuse me. I'm a little nervous talking to people in person. Can I friend you on Facebook?"
ReplyDeleteThat might just work. Or I can just hit them with the keyboard until they comply.
Thanks for the outside perspective. That is very helpful. I guess I've always attributed any success so far to outside circumstances or just plain luck instead of any skill on my part. Perhaps that's an unfair assessment?
In the time it took me to change from a bathing suit into street clothes, you met some random woman sitting on the ground, and were then able to recount for me her health history and family dynamic.
ReplyDeleteThe lady at Colonie Regal always remembered you; that sales lady in Brookstone remembered us a full week later when we came back; and you practically had a waiter at Houlihan's handing you movie tickets.
What about the extra food you always get/got at your chinese place near your office?
None of that is luck. That's you doing what you do; being nice to people and striking up a conversation. You're making friends; you just don't realize it.
I've told you this before but...I really believe you were always afraid to mention the business because you felt like it was an intrusion. If you change your mindset and realize that all you're doing is offering a person a chance to learn about something, I think you'd be more comfortable.
But don't abandon the idea of beating them with a keyboard. Is there an app for that?